Dear Parent Who Bullies Your Child

Me as a child
I want you to know I see you.
I see the hopes and expectations you have for your child.
I see your fears of her falling short and not being successful in life.
I see the love you have for a child you helped to bring into this world.
 
But I also see the pain you cause your child.
I see her anger boiling into a rage, barely contained beneath the surface
of her veiled eyes.
I see her sadness at disappointing you and not being valued.
I see a depression from her inability to decipher between your love and guidance
versus your anger and control.
 
Dear Parent, I see you are conflicted.
You want something for your child and are unsure how to help her.
You fumble around guessing but afraid to show your own uncertainty and fears.
 
Dear Lovely Parent, I am only a bystander and your behavior hurt me.
Imagine the pain that must be in your child’s heart…
 
Dear Parent, please stop and walk away.
Breathe and think.
When you are ready, move forward with love for your child
and for yourself.
 
Sincerely Yours,
An Ex-Bullying Mother / Ex-Crying Child

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Author's Note: It saddens me to have been "inspired" to create this piece and that I have the insight to do so. My hope is for this message be told numerous times and outweigh the grief we cause each other. Let's move forward in love.

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8 thoughts on “Dear Parent Who Bullies Your Child

  1. I hope your words circulate. It’s hard to know what to do when you witness stuff like this going on. What’s best for the child and what’s best for the family? What are all the moments that you don’t know that led to this specific moment of taking it out on the kid? What perpetuates it? “Dear Lovely Parent” indeed! Everyone has seen this moment in public. And we all cringe because it’s difficult, not because the bullying parent is right, but because you don’t want to upset the child or family even more by intruding and calling out the abuse. If anyone has had a face-to-face intervention that was successful, please share the wisdom of your experience.

    1. Thank you for your comment. Much like raising children, there is no one way to handle any situation. Like you said, there are multiple variables at play. The best way I’ve learned to be a better parent (a person in general) was through having open conversations with my own children, facing my own issues, and watching other people’s examples. As for face-to-face intervention that worked, mine came from my children when we were at a place willing to engage in difficult, open, and intimate dialog.

  2. A powerful post; thank you for sharing it. I appreciate how you’re willing to share your pain and mis-steps in a way that positively benefits other people. I think there would be much less pain in the world if more people were willing to admit they’d made a mistake or didn’t know what to do in a certain situation. Sending love and wishing healing for the mother and that child who lives within her.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and love, and you are most welcome for the post. There are multiple reasons why I am willing to share my experiences. One is to hold myself accountable. The more public I am about it, the more I have to consider my actions. And at the end of the day, that’s what really counts to the rest of the world – our actions. Another is to admit and show we can be human and make mistakes. If we choose to learn from them and take care to not repeat them, we free ourselves from guilt and shame, allowing us to grow, to become stronger and more intimate with our lives, and to truly flourish into the beautiful, dynamic, and creative human beings we have always been intended to be.

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